We have
very good news! You have just won a CAR!!!*
The CAR* will be made available to you completely FREE of charge for the next
two weeks, after which the General Terms and Conditions will come into effect.
You are free to use the CAR* either on routes we recognise, or on routes that
do not conflict with the provisions of current or later versions of the General
Terms and Conditions. We REALLY want you to enjoy the freedom of DRIVING WITH
US! ™ Unfortunately, many people abuse the freedom of DRIVING WITH US!™, so we
are forced to reserve the right to terminate the CAR GIFT CONTRACT of those who
would abuse it. This is for your benefit.** By signing the CAR GIFT CONTRACT,
you agree not to pursue any legal action or other claims against the issuers of
the CAR GIFT CONTRACT. We reserve the right to alter the CAR GIFT CONTRACT and
the General Terms and Conditions at our will.
With the CAR
GIFT CONTRACT entering into force, your previously purchased passenger vehicle
will expire, and its ownership*** will revert to our company.
* As stipulated in
our draft contract, the definition of “CAR” is “two rear-view mirrors and a
carburetor.”
** The relevant
criteria are contained in the current and later versions of the General Terms
and Conditions, as defined and interpreted by our current and future employees.
*** According to
the provisions of the General Terms and Conditions, “ownership” rights belong
to the party issuing the CAR GIFT CONTRACT.
 |
| C'mon, buddy. Just sign the contract. |
Is that the used ship salesman from Monkey Island?
ReplyDeleteStan's the man!
DeleteBrilliant.
ReplyDeleteSimply brilliant.
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ReplyDeleteEvery so often, when working from my weekend house, I awaken to find some nocturnal critter has placed its gifts on the terrace: chewed-up bones, excrement with the remains of its last meal, or signs of an attempt to rifle through the rubbish. It sometimes makes me wonder about the infinite variety of God's creation, and it sometimes annoys me because they leave a mess. These are, however, both the natural consequences of living by the forest, and I pay them little mind as I proceed with my daily routine.
DeleteIndeed, one of you is clearly a great disciple of Vance
DeleteFFS. Apologies.
ReplyDelete